What is intimacy any way?  Is it all about physical touch and behind the bedroom door romance? No!  Intimacy is much simpler than that.  Between a husband and a wife, or even friends, it’s getting a PhD in that person.  What are their childhood memories?  What are their dreams and aspirations?  What is their favorite song or book or movie?  Getting to know someone better creates an intimate connection between spouses or friends.  It’s easier to remember it as “in-to-me-see” and really finding out about a person you want to know.  Peering into another person’s soul and connecting with them on another level is a form of intimacy.  It’s a one-of-a-kind connection.  So many times, couples say the reason they fell in love is because they felt a connection.  What do couples or friends spend a lot of time doing when they first meet?  They ask a lot of questions.  They laugh about sharing stories and silly things about themselves.  They get to know each other.  This creates a bond between them and a level of trust.  Most of us walk around with walls or boundaries around us that take awhile to break down.  We hide our feelings or fears and can be afraid to let people into our lives because we are afraid we will get hurt.

A problem with intimacy in a lot of today’s marriages has been that one relies on the other to be happy.  One of the #1 reasons couples divorce is because they weren’t fulfilled or made happy by their partner.  This should not be the case.  Each one of us was created by God to be independent of each other.  We were not meant to marry someone to feel complete.  In one of the popular movies in the 1990’s, Jerry Maguire (played by Tom Cruise) enters a living room and pledges his love to Dorothy Boyd (played by Renee Zellweger) by telling her “you complete me”.  One of the most famous romantic scenes of all time.  Or in families where men say “if momma ain’t happy, nobody’s happy”.  Neither of these should not be the case.  If we go through life looking for people to make us happy, it will lead to disappointment and failure of the relationship.  If we aim to please people and want everyone around us to be happy or seek their approval, we will again be disappointed.

As Warriors of God, we need to practice this concept with our peers, friends, and spouses.  We live in our own bubbles through life and we need to protect those bubbles.  Too often do couples think they live in the same bubble and need to work at pleasing each other and making sure the other person is happy.  This is emotionally and physically exhausting!

So as we crave intimacy with others, remember to strive for a PhD in your friend or spouse.  Ask questions and show interest in them as a person and a human being.  Don’t have expectations that you are going to live in the same bubble once you get to know them or expect them to make you happy.  Work on making yourself happy by improving spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically.  This will create an intimate relationship like you’ve never known and that will continue to grow.