The following paper was written by Hailey Turner, junior at Wilson Hill Academy.

The Impact of Fatherlessness on a Son

Visualize a scenario between a son and father. Together, both the son and father engage in activities such as going out for fishing, playing soccer, or go-karting. The father is able to contribute to the emotional needs of the son by creating a relationship and providing guidance. When a son has no present father, they miss out on the experiences and bonding. The son does not have the emotional, physical, or spiritual guidance that a father figure has to provide. Therefore, the emotional, physical, and spiritual absence of a father figure will negatively impact the development of a son.

It is essential to define the various figures involved in order to comprehend the concept of fatherlessness. A father is a male parent who gives discipline, sacrificial love, and guidance to his son. In addition, fatherlessness consists of physical, emotional, and spiritual absence. Physical absence is when an individual is not physically present with someone. Emotional absence is the lack of responding to emotional needs and expectations. Spiritual absence is the lack of holding to religious morals and beliefs. Fatherlessness is a crucial issue since one in three children around the world live in a household without a father. Additionally, 24 million children are growing up without a biological father in the home. Another factor to consider is that fifteen percent of U.S. men will father children with more than one woman.

After defining all the terms associated with fatherlessness, it is best to comprehend the arguments about the absences of a father. A son’s development will be negatively impacted by the emotional, physical, and spiritual absence of a father figure. Physical absence causes the son to suffer with the lack of guidance and masculinity from a father figure. Emotional absence of a father figure produces emotional disorders. Spiritual absence relinquishes the responsibility of Christian morales.

The son’s development is likely to be hindered by the physical absence of a father. The physical separation between father and son causes the son to lack guidance and masculinity from the father figure. Homer, the author of The Odyssey, explains one of the aspects of physical absence with Odysseus and his son Telamachus. For the first part of the book, Odysseus was not present in the beginning of Telemachus’ life. Homer dives into the character of Telemachus. It is written, “You must not stick to childhood; you are no longer just a little boy” (1.295). Telemachus’ lack of guidance and discipline from a father causes him to display immature behavior. Telemachus is also unable to drive the suitors away from his home. It is written, “I cannot fight against them; I would be useless. I had no training” (2.60). Furthermore, the suitors call out Telemachus, “Telemachus, you stuck-up, willful little boy” (2.87). As this epic poem reaches the end, Telemachus and Odysseus fight alongside each other against the suitors. Afterwards, it was exclaimed by a slave, “Odysseus has come! He is right here inside the house! At last! He slaughtered all the suitors who were wasting his property and threatening his son” (23.1). Odysseus’ physicality provides protection and the masculinity that helps Telemachus mature to a man. The presence of a father helps a boy become a man. The author of Fathered by God, John Eldredge, discusses masculinity and a boy’s journey to manhood. It is written, “This we must understand: masculinity is bestowed. A boy learns who he is and what he’s made of from a man. This can’t be learned in any other place. It can’t be learned from other boys, and it can’t be learned from the world of women” (Eldredge 6). This development is also witnessed in a father pushing his son to college. It states, “We can see the apparent power of a biological father’s presence when it comes to pushing boys out of the house and toward becoming contributing members of society” (Where is Dad?). The true presence of the father sets the path for his son as a role model. The physical presence of a father helps show the son how to respond to situations, boundaries, respecting others, etc. that prepares the son for adulthood. It states in Scripture, “Teach a youth about the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22.6).” Therefore, the physical proximity of a father figure aids a boy in maturing into a man by bestowing fatherly masculinity.

Inconsistencies in father and son relationships can lead to the son being unable to act on relationships later in life. Emotional absence negatively impacts the relationship between father and son, and it also leads to emotional disorders. Emotional disorders such as anger, rebelliousness, low self-esteem, depression, and antisocial behavior cause issues to the son’s development. Gary Smalley and John Trent, the authors of Hidden Value of a Man, discuss the emotionally absent father. It states, “Our super-technology and glass enclosed workplace don’t cater to children, and they don’t build the father-son bond. An average father working 60-plus hours a week will usually do so away from the house, and his work involves matters that are far beyond a son’s comprehension. What’s left is for Mother to try to tell the son what Dad does and who he is instead of the boy getting to view it himself” (1.118-119). The father becomes so self-involved in his career that he neglects and depends on the Mother to sustain a certain bond with the son. There are also times this emotional absence leads to emotional abuse. John Eldredge, author of Fathered by God, writes about the emotional abuse between father and son. It states, “The boys who endured years of emotional abuse, being yelled at night after night, ‘You are a worthless piece of crap.’ Whatever the details of the story might be, the boy is robbed both of his father and of the deep fundamental blessing that he is the beloved son. It is the evil one’s first and most devastating blow against the soul of a man” (Eldredge 57). Scripture also guides men when it says, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so they won’t become discouraged” (Col.3.21). A father is supposed to create a relationship with his son by cherishing and guiding them to adulthood. It is written in The Hidden Value of a Man, “Many men who grew up with a hole in their hearts never emotionally grow out of childhood. In many ways, by missing out on the affirmation of a father or other significant male figure, they never “close the loop” on childhood and can remain emotional adolescents” (2.121).

Spiritual morals are a key factor in leading children to a spiritual lifestyle. The absence of spirituality has an impact on the responsibility and role that a father plays in a son’s development. In today’s society, the lack of spirituality is shown in men where they are driven by lust and temptation. Spiritual absence proceeds to having children out of wedlock. The author of The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis, speaks of this aspect of lust clouding judgment. It is written, “In the second place any sexual infatuation whatever; so long as it intends marriage, will be regarded as ‘love,’ and ‘love’ will be held to excuse a man from all the guilt, and to protect him from all the consequences, of marrying a heathen, a fool, or a wanton.” (18.97). This is driven by the sexual desires of people to pursue marriage to cloud judgment from bad behavior. It also states, “As a result we are more and more directing the desires of men to something which does not exist–making the role of the eye in sexuality more and more important and at the same time making its demands more and more impossible” (20.107). Therefore, a man’s real sacrificial love, responsibility, and commitment supersedes desire and lust for women. The author of Be A Man!, Fr. Larry Richards, talks about the responsibility of men. It states, “Men’s responsibilities, however, go beyond the bedroom. Men today often do not want to take responsibility for their own actions” (Richards 151). In many circumstances, men choose to be absent during and after pregnancies because they do not want to have the responsibility. In the United States, about 4 in 10 births are to unmarried women (At Risk Children and Youth). “Most men, especially if they are Catholic, completely disregard the teaching on birth control for one reason: they don’t want to say no to themselves. They think, ‘If I want to have sex, if I have an itch, I should be able to scratch it.’ They want to have sex when they want to have sex, and they don’t want the consequences” (Richards 99).

Although the absence of a father impacts the son in many ways, it could be argued that the absence of a father is beneficial for the son, especially if the father fabricates a toxic environment. In this circumstance, toxic masculinity could produce challenges that disable the son emotionally. This leads the son to not be vulnerable in their emotions. Furthermore, the son is better off with a single parent, such as their mother, because unconditional love is more important in the healthy development. It states in Scripture, “Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not conceited, does not act improperly, is not selfish, is not provoked, and does not keep a record of wrongs” (1 Cor. 13.4-5). Therefore, the son is better off without a toxic father because all they need is unconditional love to grow up to be a stable young man.

Considering all that has been said thus far, arguing against the idea of fatherlessness, it’s possible to question how to resolve the issue of absent father figures. Fatherlessness consists of physical, emotional, and spiritual absence. Physical absence causes the son to suffer with the lack of guidance and masculinity from a father figure. Emotional absence of a father figure produces emotional disorders. Spiritual absence relinquishes the responsibility of Christian morales. In order to prevent fatherlessness from continuing, a father needs to accept his responsibilities as a parental leader and form relationships with his children. Furthermore, a father needs to hold morals and avoid sex before marriage.

References

Eldredge, John. Fathered By God. Thomas Nelson, 2009.
Lewis, C.S. The Screwtape Letters. HarperCollins, 2001.
Richards, Fr. Larry. Be A Man! Ignatius Press, 2009.
Smalley, Gary, and John Trent. The Hidden Value Of A Man. Focus on the Family Publishing, 1992.
The Holy Bible. Christian Standard Bible. Holy Bible Publishers, 2017.
The Odyssey. Translated by Emily Wilson, edited by Emily Wilson, W.W Norton & Company, 2018.
Wilcox, W. Brandford, et al. “Where Is Dad? … .” , Society for the Advancement of Education, Sept. 2022.

Hailey Turner is a senior in high school at Wilson Hill Academy, a classical Christian school. She helps with Warriors for God when called to serve and writes many discussion boards and papers throughout her school year that she submits to Warriors for God for consideration, hoping she reaches a reader who needs to hear what she has researched or what she has discovered in one of her courses. Hailey loves the Lord and works every day to use her talents and abilities to serve Him. Hailey plans to graduate in May 2025 and attend college in Texas where she will pursue a degree in Wildlife Management/Animal Science.